Nature Tries To Defeat Small Blog

Holy crow y’all.  It is not remotely uncommon for me to get sick. But the rapid fire illnesses while not hardly leaving my house is abnormal and beautifully timed, and this one in particular is the most pain I’ve been in in quite a while.

I dunno what’s going on.  I’m on day 3 of a swollen something on the back of my head behind my left ear and omigod it hurts.  I dunno what it is. I thought it was a lymph node. The urgent care doctor I saw yesterday said it wasn’t a lymph node it was a nodular something or other that I’m having no luck finding in google, and it took me hours to figure out he said nodular as opposed to modular… his accent was pretty thick and it’s hard to think with pain so close to your brain.  He put it as Lymphadenopathy, postauricular on my chart… which when I look up what lymphadenopathy is it says it’s a disease affecting the lymph nodes… so.. I dunno, wtfe.

I’ve got a permanently swollen one behind my right ear too that back when I was 16 or 17 and it swelled up to the size of a golf ball and the doctor I went to said it was an ear infection and put me on antibiotics.. when the drugs were gone and the infection over it had shrunk but left a considerable swelling and at that point I was told it was scar tissue and not to worry about it. That would be easier to accomplish if my glasses didn’t touch it and that still equates to pain nearly 20 years later.  Now they match except the new one hurts so much more than I remember the old one ever hurting. Urgent care doctor said these days they think they’re usually viral instead of infections and was gonna send me home just telling me to switch to heat instead of ice.  Intense pain + no solution or end in sight for it = crying. Crying = medication, so now I’m on antibiotics 3 times a day for the next 10 days. I didn’t even think to tell him about how my white blood cell count has been high for a year and no one can figure out why, but he said my ears don’t look infected. I wonder if that 3 pill z-pack wasn’t enough to really kill off my sinus infection of a couple weeks ago.  He said my tonsils were swollen but that he wasn’t worried about it.  I always worry about going to urgent care on weekends because it always means getting seen after they’ve actually closed and my worry is that they’re just trying to go home. He didn’t make me feel like that, but I just also didn’t feel like there was any real effort to find the source of the problem.

My worry is that when my neurologist did those injections in the back of my head she did something wrong. I’ve never even met this woman before, that side hurt a LOT more than the other side, and they definitely haven’t felt like or given me the same relief I got from when my old neurologist (who moved out of state) did them.  But they dismissed that pretty quickly, probably because I got the injections on the 23rd I think.  So it would be a late reaction. But in the end he said maybe the injection sight got an infection that was causing it.

Whatever’s going on the heat compress helps some, while I’m on it, even though it’s burning me horribly.  Glasses are an impracticality and I can’t see anything without them.  Once I finally managed to fall asleep on my right side I stayed that way for as long as I possibly could, having incredibly long, detailed, and multiple dreams about being someone else who so far as I know doesn’t exist, surrounded by people who don’t exist.  I got up from one and went to the bathroom and laid back down and was right back there as the same person in the same world though done trying to figure out the problem that had been plaguing me before getting up.

Once I finally decided I’d slept enough and couldn’t ignore my bladder anymore and my head felt pretty decent I managed to be upright precisely long enough for another trip to the bathroom and posting the question of the day on facebook, and by then I was utterly spent and my head was back to throbbing uncontrollably.  Some part of me feels like my problems would all be over if I could pop my jaw, as I frequently have to do, but it’s not happening.  It gets just close enough to make a tiny little crackle but won’t go far enough to pop.  I’m almost wishing I had gum, though I actually suspect that would be wildly painful.

Today’s plan was to pick whatever the top trending news item was and write about it and encourage discussion.  Here’s what’s in trending news today as of when I woke up:

  • Barack Obama
    Obama denies Trump’s wiretapping claims – cbsnews.com
  • David Letterman
    David Letterman: Late night hosts have ‘obligation’ to challenge Trump – foxnews.com
  • North Korea

    North Korea fires four ballistic missiles – cnn.com
  • Peugeot
    GM sells European brands to France’s Peugeot – washingtonpost.com
  • United States Marine Corps
    Report: Marines Probed For Posting Nude Photos Of Female… – huffingtonpost.com
  • India National Cricket Team
    Pujara, Rahane keep India afloat in second test – in.reuters.com
  • Cabinet of Israel
    Israeli Cabinet Makes Move to Decriminalize Recreational Marijuana Use – nytimes.com
  • Avian Influenza
    Bird flu found in Tennessee chicken flock on Tyson-contracted farm – reuters.com
  • South Lakes Safari Zoo
    New licence refused for South Lakes Safari Zoo where almost 500… – uk.news.yahoo.com
  • London
    Are high heel dress codes for the workplace sexist? UK lawmakers debate – usatoday.com

There are frankly none of those things that I’m interested in researching and forming opinions about while in this much pain and without full use of my eyes or my brain.  So Imna go with that last one.  Making women wear high heels – sexist.  Telling women they can’t wear high heels at work – not sexist.  Feel free to use the comments to debate that heavily and tell me why I’m wrong.

Also feel free to do some dream interpretation for me.  Keeping in mind I had no idea that America’s Next Top Model was cancelled last year and then picked up by Vh1 (I have no cable) and have only been thinking “huh, it’s been a long time since I’ve seen that, usually it conflicts with one of my Gordon Ramsay shows, I wonder when it’s on,” so if there’s any similarity to any cast members it’s entirely psychic.  Or my brain has satellite that my TV doesn’t.

So in the dream I was a young, petite but top heavy, light-auburny-brunette girl with maybe a handful of freckles across the tops of my cheeks, and a decidedly not high-fashion tendency to wear my hair mostly down with a small section of it on one or both sides in a loose hanging ponytail. Myself and my pre-existing (but again not real life or resembling anyone I know in real life) muscular manly-man boyfriend had both gotten selected to appear on America’s Next Top Model, but were trying to keep it very secret that we were in a relationship or even knew each other prior to casting.

He was quickly a favorite in the house, and I was more middle of the road, but we sailed through the first rounds easily, while I shared a living room with a slender latino guy and boyfriend shared a real bedroom with other guys in the house.  I guess we got to the part of the show where they go to an international destination cause I just had some vague notion that some host had come in and told us to pack our stuff and everyone ran off to do that. As with every time one of the authority figures or judges spoke though (I didn’t recognize any of them either, though looking at the current panel of judges I wouldn’t recognize any of them if I saw them) I didn’t really hear, understand, or register anything he said so I didn’t know what we were supposed to be doing or where we were going.

Boyfriend and I were getting more relaxed about showing our relationship around the house and just not around the judges, so I kept thinking eventually he’d come talk to me and I could ask, but meanwhile I was watching latino guy and thus gathered we were packing.  He seemed to have a system of dividing things he was going to take and things he wasn’t going to take, but was packing them and sending them downstairs regardless, just separated. I was very concerned about whether things that we weren’t going to take were going to be sent home or just trashed and didn’t want to ask him and let him think I wasn’t listening of taking things seriously, so I just did the packing and separating without sending anything downstairs and quickly felt overwhelmed by stuff as it piled up in bins around me.  I noticed boyfriend had left his shoes in my room and would eventually have to come looking for them so I put them on so he’d have to come talk to me, and around that time noticed the things I’d been packing were all things from around my real house and not things like clothes and shoes and beauty products, and that’s when I woke up to pee and see if it was medication time yet.

It was not.  So once I laid back down I was back in this dream world but we had arrived at the new house at whatever destination we were going to.  The rest of the housemates decided to go get dinner but I decided to stay at the new house because somehow there hadn’t been that mad dash to claim beds that there always is, and I was tired of not being around my boyfriend enough so I wanted to make sure we ended up sharing a bed.  Scoping out the rooms there were two bedrooms with two double beds each and one double bed in the living room.  Despite the public nature of the living room I decided the one bed situation would give us the most privacy and least complaints and put our stuff on it to claim it, and moved everyone else’s stuff to bedrooms dividing them by gender. Cause evidently I didn’t care if anyone else in the house wanted some lovin ^_^

Everyone was surprised that we were officially a couple and sharing a bed, but it went over quietly and he was happy though not thrilled it was the living room, so it all worked.  That night we were lounging on our living room bed drinking champagne with a young MTF transgendered Asian woman with pigtails, and I was feeling cranky about how close I felt like she was trying to get to my oblivious boyfriend, and I apparently made some sort of homophobic slur about George Harrison (????) that quietly really offended her. Apparently I meant it as a term of endearment in someway, but we didn’t really discuss it, and at the next judging the panel was now distinctly aware of my relationship and while claiming it wasn’t related decided to send me home.  In one of those one on one camera interviews boyfriend said something about how he had referred to transgendered woman by a slur as well, but that that was something that we normally did to let LGBT people know that we were both bi and on their team and it was the first time anyone didn’t understand it because no one else ever thought we were the kind of disgusting people that used such terms seriously.

Either way, I went home.  And I stayed there a few days, maybe a week, and then I said fuck that and spent my own money to go back to wherever we were and paid for all my own expenses to still live in the house with my boyfriend and got to watch photo-shoots and things.  After a few weeks during judging one of the guest judges started talking to me about who I was and why I was there and said I shouldn’t have been sent home and that I had more potential than other people still there and somehow despite being a guest judge he reinstated my position among the competitors.  Then I woke up and had to pee again and it was medication time and I decided to at the very least do the question of the day.  And now here we are.

So. I dunno what any of that meant, if anything, but it was a long enough dream it felt significant, and I’m always intrigued about being people I don’t know surrounded by people I don’t know.  It was all probably very boring if you don’t live in my brain, but hey, I didn’t have to do any research and decide if I had any answers to the situation of Donald Trump thinking he was wiretapped and whether or not it matters if he was considering he won the election anyway and if there were nothing worth hearing on wiretaps then who cares and considering he’s in charge of everything now it’s really kind of all up to him at this point if anything is released if it exists… and I dunno what to do about North Korea… so… yeah, my brain preferred not having to do any major thinking or researching cause for real I hurt.  But I’ll try to say something more worthwhile tomorrow.

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2 Replies to “Nature Tries To Defeat Small Blog”

  1. And you gave me a hard time about the “tied to the leg of an elephant dream”? 😉 Interesting twists and turns. I hope you’re in less pain now!

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